You ask me what i want to be, so i tell you
Marine Corps.

you say i'm going to die, but I already have.

Don't tell me your going to miss me because
I know you wont.

Just say good bye and walkout the door, but you
already walked out of my life.

The darkness is the only thing I have, or ever will

It eats my emotions and leaves only blood, bones, and flesh.

Its cold fingers choke my heart and clog my lungs.

It leaves me hollow, but filled with despair.

It’s the only thing next to me, and keeps everyone else out.

I love the dark; I close my eyes just to be with it.

In the dark I feel nothing, and every pain.

It knows who I am, and what I will be.

It’s closer to me then anyone who ever will.

Darkness is my drug, and I am addicted.

I can’t live without it, even though it kills me.

I need more of it, there is never enough.

There is no cure, no rehab for me.

In the light, I am weak; in the dark I am strong

In the light, they know me, in the dark, I don’t know myself.

In the light, I am blind, in the dark, I can see

In the light they attack me, in the dark, I build my walls higher.

The darkness is the only thing I have, or ever will.

  0130: somewhere in Iraq, in a field of dead grass, a young man in a dirty uniform sleeps.

"GET UP, GET YOUR ASS UP" yelled the platoon sergeant.

"Everyone pay attention, our position has been compromise, so we’re going to sit on our 
ass until our reinforcements or death arrives" said the sergeant.

In the back ground, sounds of tanks and infinity men moving to our position, but we know 
they weren't our guys and we also know we had no anti-tank weapons.

"Okay, I want a defense perimeter up on line NOW" said the sergeant

"Bravo Tango Six, this is Alpha Tree Gulf. ETA 20 min. out" AC-130

" looks like we got a little help boys. We just need to hold are ground for now." said the sergeant

the sound of tanks suddenly stopped leaving only the sound of the wind.

20 min. later

"Bravo Tango Six, this is Alpha Tree Gulf. We our over head and spotting for targets. Over"

Suddenly a bright light races upward into the sky and then a large explosion.

"Mayday, Mayday, were hit, she’s not holding were going...." the radio goes quit.

I look up to see a burning flam knowing now that I wasn't going home. As I keep looking 
I see the burning flame become two flames which mean the plain split in two. 
No parachutes were seen.

"FUCK! okay looks like were alone boys" said the sergeant

BANG, BANG, BANG large shell started falling all around our position.

I look over and see my best friend fall to the ground. I start sprinting over to him

As I get closer I see a hole in the middle of his chest and an unexploded shell 
in the ground in the middle of his chest.

Then something hits me my leg and I fall to the ground. As I look around I see men
that only an hour ago were talking about home, their families, telling jokes fall to the
ground dead.

As I try to sit up so I can shoot my rifle something hits me in the head.



0800 that morning:

A girl is awoken by the phone going off. She doesn't know what happened only a
few hours ago.

"hello" she said

A small boy walks slowly into the room holding a tow dog.
" mom, who is it?" 

she doesn't answer him but stares off into space as someone on the other end tells
her that they are sorry to inform her that her love one is dead.

If I was a heart, would you keep my beat?

Without you I could not live.

If I was a jacket, would you wear me?

Or would you just put me in the trash?

If I was a ship, would you be my caption?

Without you I would never find my way home.

If I was a pen, would you keep me?

Or would you give me way when someone asks for a me?

If I was a lock, would you be my key?

Without you no one would know what I held inside.

If I was a plant, would you let me grow?

Or would you crush me?

If I was a bridge, would you be my supports?

Without you I would crash into the cold, dark water.

If I was a child, would you keep me safe?

Or would you just walk away?

Would you for me, or is it too hard?

I would for you.

The way to understand Eddie at practice:

Pissed: "you’re going to do more boy".

Mad: "do that again and you’re going to do more boy"

Okay: nothing

Happy: "good job boy"

Very happy: "you can go back early"

The way to understand Eddie before a race:

pissed: "because you guys were sand bagging it, you guys are going to do bad" (for you people that only did xc, sand bagging is a term used when we make the times he wanted us to make, but we didn't try to push our self's)

Mad: "just don't be late"

Okay: speech time: on how he is going to kill us if we do bad.

Happy: speech time: on skyler's brother and how if you’re late you better win state.

Really happy: Speech time: on how we have a good chance at winning if we believe in your-self's.

The way to understand Eddie during a race:

Pissed: "YOU BETTER STARTING RUNNING BOY"

Mad: "get up there boy"

Okay: "use your arms"
happy: keep it up boy"

Very happy: OMG I’m going to kill myself with laughing.

The way to understand Eddie after a race: 

 
Pissed: "WHAT THE HELL BOY"
mad: "come on boy, what did I tell you about the limb" (for you people that only did XC, this is from track)
okay: nothing
happy: "good job boy"
very happy: ha-ha that's a good joke. 
 
The way to understand Eddie if you get injured: (I know this way too well now)

When it hurts: "just ice it and you'll be fine" (if you’re lucky) or you get "grab your eggs and keep running" (he doesn't mean chicken eggs) (this always comes with that look of "your faking it)

Hurts for few days: "just ice it and you'll be fine" or you get "grab your eggs and keep running"

Hurts for a few weeks: "Why didn't you tell me before?"

If he sees you hurting: "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LIMPING" (if you’re really lucky) or nothing (with sucks)

Somewhere deep in the jungles in Vietnam, the sounds of rifles ring though the still air. Shouts of “incoming”, “get down”, and “medic” are heard all around. Machine guns pouring bullets whip passed. Over head a helicopter, the only way out, is shot down.

My gun jams, which leaves me defenseless. My friends, the ones that an hour ago i told we were going to make it, were dyeing all around.

A bullet rips through my skin and blood pours out. Thoughts of the girl i loved fill my mind, while my body is slowly running out of blood. The little American flag on my arm is covered in blood. A medic stands over me and said not to move and that was was going to make it. Three rounds go though his head and his body falls to the ground and blood is splattered over my boots.

Suddenly the shooting stops and everyone i know is dead. i struggle to pull the picture of the girl i love out of my pocket. Then i realized as i take my last breath, as blood is covering my eyes and mixing with my tears, that i never told her good bye.

As I sit here, wondering what to do, what to say, and do I really belong?
I see my friends talking and making jokes
As I sit here, under table thinking about leaving. I see people that I shouldn't know. The people who I have betrayed.
As I sit here with my hood up. Trying to hide my face, I wish I could have gone back in time, so I would not have to know them.
As I sit here, acting like I am invisible is when the thought comes up. Where will I be in a year?
As I sit here, listening to my friends laughing, I think of ways I could run away. But I know if I did I would come back.
As I sit here, watching the clock. I count the time until I can leave

A gun can kill a person
A pen can kill many people
A knife can cut a person
A pen can cut a soul
A bomb can blow people away
A pen can blow people away

A paintbrush can paint a picture, but has no words
A pen can have words and have pictures
A pencil can write, but can be erased
A pen cannot
A book expresses someone else’s emotions
A pen expresses your own

A pen can destroy people
A pen can destroy yourself
A pen wrights a few words, but has a bigger impression
A pen can say things that words cannot
A pen can ruin reputations
A pen can rebuild them.

why does it feel like people want to be your freind just to get what they want. like today in math i told one kid to stop coping my work, and they stared saying things like "fuck you", "i hate you", "i'm not your freind anymore" (like this is fucking preschool). 

GOD i want to run so bad. i know by know i'm going to be out of shape. why is it if i run for months, it only takes less then a week to be out of shape? and my mom does not want me to go swimming so I kand of staw in shape. so, now I just wasted two months for nothing. 

now i'm sitting by my self in cad, while every one is watching some stupied robotes trying to kill them self by going off the table. i wish i was a robot not having to feel pain, have emotions, and having an off switch. this class sucks but waltz is cool. 

why is it when ever i try so hard, it just falls apart?
why when ever I push my self, I pull my self down?
why does this have to happen?
why now?
why?